


The Husband

by evilsexdemon



Category: Peep Show
Genre: Fake/Pretend Relationship, Gay, Kissing, M/M, Making Out, mark is remarkably okay with all this
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-04
Updated: 2018-07-04
Packaged: 2019-06-05 10:41:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,828
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15168929
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/evilsexdemon/pseuds/evilsexdemon
Summary: Jeremy has a job opportunity. Thing is, he kind of, sort of told the guy that'll be interviewing him that he and Mark are married.





	The Husband

Mark walked into the flat, a grocery bag in each hand. He’d just gone by the shops and wound up buying all sorts of food items they didn’t really need. Well, they did need them. Or didn’t they? Technically, they could live on dry crackers and water, and then die of scurvy a few months in. But Mark didn’t particularly fancy dying of scurvy, so here he was, with mangoes, and carrots, and other stuff like that. He could think of some better ways to die. Old age, for example. Or a big, obvious brain tumour. Or a gunshot wound. Or- 

“Hi honey, you’re home!” Jeremy exclaimed, practically jumping into the hall the moment he heard the flat door opening. Mark sighed. “What do you want?” 

He only called Mark ‘honey’ when he wanted something, or if he was in a good mood. Neither of those generally meant anything positive for Mark. 

“Nothing. Why do you always immediately assume I want something?” Jez asked, mock-offended. He sat down at the kitchen table and watched Mark unpack. He wrinkled his nose and frowned when he saw the mangoes. “You better at least make a smoothie out of those.” 

“Since when do you drink smoothies?” Mark asked, dumping the fruit and vegetables in the refrigerator. “And why’re you being so social all of a sudden?” 

“See, thing is, I’ve got a job interview coming up.” Jeremy said, folding his arms over one another, awaiting Mark’s response. 

“Oh, that’s nice. Finally decided to be a functioning member of society?” Mark asked, voice dripping with sarcasm. 

“Uh, yeah.” Jez said, trying to sound just as sarcastic, and almost managing it. “Anyways, so, I’ve got this job interview coming up, and it’s here. It’s this guy, he works local, music stuff, doesn’t believe in offices, or whatever.” 

“Okay, I don’t mind you having your interview here. If that’s what you’re making a big fuss over.” Mark said, deciding to grab the mangoes from the fridge and make those smoothies immediately. He was in the kitchen anyways, and if he’d make a lot, they’d have left over for later. Maybe he could actually get Jez to drink one. “Do we have bananas?” 

“How should I know?” Jez asked. “Anyways, well, thing is, when I met music guy, I sort of slipped up, and.. basically told him I was married.” 

“Why’d you do that? I mean, you could just ask Big Suze to pretend to be your wife. I’m sure she wouldn’t mind. And I don’t mind having her over.” Mark said, finally finding the bananas underneath an empty package of snack sausages. He started to peel the bananas and put them in the mixer. He went over to the fridge again, this time for milk. 

“Well…” Jeremy began. Mark stopped manhandling the mixer, which didn’t want to start, to look at him. “What did you do?” he demanded.

“Music guy asked who I was married to, I panicked, couldn’t think of a name, and said Mark.” Jeremy explained, looking at the floor. 

“Well, can’t you get Super Hans to pretend to be a guy named Mark?” Mark asked, secretly a bit proud to be the first person Jeremy thought of as a marriage candidate. He wasn’t sure why he felt that way. 

“He doesn’t look like a Mark. Besides, he’s on tour with that... hardstyle thing I told you about. Please, Mark. Please pretend to be my husband. My life depends on it. For real.” Jeremy said. He looked up at him through his eyelashes. Damn it, Mark was gonna do it, wasn’t he? He couldn’t say no to Jez, even though he’d probably quit his job a few weeks later because he ‘just didn’t feel it’. Or would get fired before then. 

“Alright.” Mark sighed. “There wouldn’t be much relationship-y things involved, anyway, would there?” 

“Nah. everything’ll be fine.” Jeremy said. Mark tried to ignore that he didn’t seem very convinced, and instead focused on the smoothies. 

-

Jez ended up not drinking a single smoothie, and Mark was getting antsy. The guy, Todd, Jeremy'd ended up telling him, could be here any second. Mark sat on the couch, nervously rubbing his hands together.

“Stop fidgeting! You’re making me nervous.” Jez said. Mark glared at him. It was all his fault. He was the one who said he was married to a guy named Mark. If it weren’t for him, Mark wouldn’t have had a reason to be nervous and wouldn’t fidget. So, there. 

“Are you sure we won’t have to do any.. kissing stuff?” Mark asked, trying to keep himself busy with talking so he wouldn’t think about actual kissing stuff. Jeremy shrugged. “Depends on the situation, I suppose. If he seems unconvinced we might have to snog.” 

Mark sighed. “Why is this so important to you again?” 

“Because, Mark, there aren’t very much jobs in media right now, and Todd can get me out there.” Jeremy explained. “Is it the physical part that bothers you? C’mon, be honest.” 

It wasn’t. Honestly, it really wasn’t. Well, maybe a little bit. It wasn’t that he thought Jez was gross, or anything. It was just weird. Their friendship in and of itself was weird already, but this? Mark had a very slight feeling that this might just trigger some sort of gay awakening within him, and he wasn’t sure if he was ready for that.

“Maybe I can offer him one of those smoothies you didn’t drink.” Mark said, attempting some humour to lighten the mood. Jez squinted at him and then shook his head. “I can’t believe you, Mark. I’m your best mate in the whole world, and you wouldn’t even kiss me.” 

“I would kiss you. I did kiss you! Remember, at the party, at that boathouse?” Mark said, but Jez was already standing up and walking out the living room door. “You know what, Mark? If we were really gay married, I would’ve divorced you a long time ago.” 

Mark stood up too, and followed him into the kitchen. “Wait, Jez. What’s all this about? I said I didn’t mind kissing you. I know how important this job thing is for you.” 

Jez didn’t reply or look him in the eye, instead rummaging through the fridge without really looking for anything specific. Then, he murmured something Mark didn’t quite catch. 

“What?” Mark asked. Jez rolled his eyes. “Then prove it, Mark.”

“O-Okay.” Mark said, before really thinking about it, and they stood there for a moment just staring at one another, fridge door still open, until Mark realized he had to do something. So, he grabbed hold of the hand Jez was holding the fridge door open with and closed the fridge door. Then, still holding his roommate’s hand, he leaned in and kissed Jez. on the lips. 

Jez smelled a bit like pineapple, oddly enough. 

Mark had closed his eyes, so it came as a bit of a shock when Jez put his arms around Mark’s waist and held him closer to him, pressing them harder together and deepening the kiss. Mark couldn’t really think straight. His eyelids felt heavy and all he could do was encourage Jeremy to do more of that wonderful stuff he was doing right now. 

Then, the bell rang. 

Jez sighed and stopped kissing him, but his breath was warm on Mark’s face and while he shouldn’t find that arousing, he really did. 

“That’s.. That’s got to be Todd, then.” Jez said. Was he panting? God, that was really hot. Maybe Mark was a bit biased, though. At the moment, Jez could tap him lightly on the shoulder and he’d probably still think it was sexy. He had a hard-on. 

“Well, go on then.” Mark said, trying to be encouraging. Jez honest to God seemed like he didn’t want to open the door. But he did, anyway, and as soon as he was out of touching range Mark felt oddly empty. He took a deep breath. Ignore whatever just happened. He was just having a dry spell. Any human contact was too much for him in those times. Sure, that was all it was. 

“Hi, Todd.” Mark heard from the hallway. He heard more talking but tuned it out. God, he should probably get over there and introduce himself.

“Hi, I’m Mark.” he said, peeking into the hallway from the kitchen. Todd, the guy from the job, was a tall balding guy. He seemed genuinely happy to meet Jez. Odd, Mark thought. Well, maybe not as odd as he’d thought. Maybe this guy was attracted to Jez. Maybe they’d fucked. Mark felt anger rising up inside of him. 

“Oh, Mark, the husband. Nice to meet you. I’m Todd. I’m Jeremy’s work friend.” Todd said and stuck out his hand. Mark shook it. Work friend? Why did he say it like that? Like they definitely weren’t work friends. What was the opposite of a work friend, a work enemy? 

“Nice to meet you.” Mark said. Jez showed Todd to the living room, occasionally sneaking a glance over to Mark, who was standing awkwardly in the hall, one hand in front of his crotch.

“I’ll get you something to drink.” Jez told Todd and walked back into the hall. When there, he closed the door behind him and backed Mark against the wall. They kissed again, and Mark decided to take a step and put his hands on Jeremy’s bum. Jeremy groaned and shuffled even closer to Mark, kissing him even deeper. Eventually, he had to breathe, so their mouths parted and Jez rested his forehead against Mark’s shoulder, bending down quite far. It couldn't possibly be very comfortable. 

“Really handy, Mark-” Jez started, in between breaths, “-to have your big gay awakening right when I actually have work to do.” 

Mark grimaced. “It’s not a great big gay awakening. I'm pretty sure I’m not gay. And besides, we’re married, remember?” 

He glared up at Jez, who had since picked up his head again but was still standing far too close. Jez stared at him. “I don't know, Mark. Seemed pretty gay to me.” 

He twisted away from the other man and entered the kitchen to get Todd that drink. Mark still stood in the hall, mind going into overdrive. Was he gay now? Had he always been gay? It could just be Jez, of course. God, why did it have to be Jez? 

Jeremy entered the hall again, holding three beers. “Come on, husband. Time for the interview.” 

Reluctantly, Mark sighed, straightened his back and walked into the living room. As he did this, he vaguely wondered why he was actually going along with this plan. Then, he thought about the smoothies that were still in the fridge. He’d have to force-feed one to Jez after Todd left. Suddenly, the thought of Jeremy dying of scurvy wasn't as funny as it’d previously been. Then, it dawned on him. 

Dear lord, he thought. I really am his husband.

**Author's Note:**

> Has anyone else noticed Jeremy's last name is spelled wrong in the AO3 tags? It's Usborne, not Usbourne, smh
> 
> Anyway, I hope you liked this. I think I did, although I don't remember writing most of it. Oh, you know. It's a writer thing, I suppose. Leave a comment if you liked it, I guess! Mwah!


End file.
